"this uncharitable season"

Give it away to keep it
Don't need a reason
Generous and selfish
Charitable treason

Mined it from the source
Runnin' through my heart
Lord, it's runnin' through my brain
Love don't tear it apart

I need you to want it
I want you to need it
This narcissistic fire for you
I need you to feed it

Your validation means too much to me
I feel I cannot love without it
You give it then you lose it
I think too much about it

I know there's a closet in your room
Filled with unwanted memories
Piled so high but still some room
For more unwanted pieces of me

If I had any pride I'd raid that room
Plunder it and take what was mine
Maybe give it to someone else
Everything I can find

For I cannot keep it for myself
What once I never owned
The sentiments have gone their seperate ways
From forgiveness unatoned

This addictive need to share
Has drained me of reasons
To find anything worth sharing
In this uncharitable season

BLUR

The lights are out
I'm trying to feel my way
Through the dark
Got turned around somehow
Into something completely unfamiliar

Vertigo tugs at my guts
I don't want to admit it
I've forgotten the pathways through my own home
I'm completely lost without your map to guide me
Stumbling around in the dark calling out your name
Your name and help
Your name and it's so dark
It's black-night dark and your name
Hurled from my lips in desperation
Deep muddy water desperation
Thickened quicksand inviting me in
There for no other purpose than to consume
To suck me into the earth
To fill my mouth and stop it up
From calling out your name
Your name and the dark become
The only things I have left in the world
Being ripped from me even now
Why so dark?
Where did that hole come from anyway?
I don't remember it being there
I don't remember much of anything
Even as I tried to feel my way through
Knowing full well that the right path along the wall
Would lead me to the bedroom
This time the maze tricked me
The more I realized you were there
The more I knew I'd never reach you
Because this house wants nothing to do with me anymore

To think there will come a time
When the only things I remember about this day
Are black-night darkness and
Your name

Hanging onto a thin thread of certainty now,
Gravity anchors me
Were it not for this covered cage
I would rise
A blanket covered cage
Draped by a loved one with my own best interests at heart
"Sleep" she says
"Sleep and rest"

I don't sleep anymore
The string's been cut
I know nothing
It's all a blur to me now