I looked to the western sky at sundown and I saw it as the Canvas of God.
I stared into the deep infinity of the night sky and imagined every star a pin-prick in the fabric of the black horizon, offering tiny glimpses of the Light on the other side.
I came to realize that heaven was to be found in the moments after sleep consumes the intellect and just before dreams tease the spirit.
I feared inner peace and sought distraction to the point where distraction took the place of inner peace, and I was content with it.
I sought to deny myself thoughts, beliefs, experiences…to sacrifice them to a code I thought prohibited them.
I tried to do the right thing when most of the time I hadn't a clue what the right thing was. I learned that "the right thing" has more to do with luck than any result of good motives.
I celebrated diversity and sought to tear down the walls of intolerance. I firmly believed that you should do unto others as you would have others do unto you.
In regards to how others lead their own lives I added this amendment" "Mind thy own business".
I closed my eyes and thought "This is all there will ever be". And so I taught myself to love darkness.
I opened my eyes and thought "This is all there will ever be". And so I taught myself to love light.
A guru led me into a place within myself that was neither light nor darkness and he told me "This is all there will ever be". He told me that if I wished to find it again I must empty myself and surrender to the Supersoul. It was then that I realized I knew nothing.
I wanted to be a philosopher. I wanted to be a priest. I wanted to be a hero. I wanted to be a famous rock star. I wanted to be a mentor. I wanted to be a scholar. I wanted to be a Marine. I wanted to be a champion. I wanted a lot of things. Too many things.
I listened to a great man's words…."You can't always get what you want, but if you try sometimes you just might find you get what you need." And so I tried.
I noticed that the numbers on calendars never went backwards.
One morning I saw a storm brewing in the eastern sky and I gave God a high five.
I was told that "good things come to those who wait"…I'm still waiting to see if that's true.
I willingly lost myself in the dreams of others, then felt used and manipulated when the credits began to roll.
I satisfied my soul with poet's nonsense.
I was content with someone else's song.
Memories kept me from believing that all the things I thought were real were vapors all along.
I spent all my life searching for the meanings of some things I was never meant to know.
A strange thing, that the more I really loved someone the less inclined I was to tell them how much. As if "they should know by now" was good enough." Many were the times such logic turned against me and proved me an idiot.
I proposed that loving someone grants them entrance into your heart, where they will dwell until the day you die. I like to think that, of all the foolish notions I've entertained, this one is an unshakeable truth.
