Inside of Me

What is it inside of me
That begs to be freed?
Why don't I know
If it's to be known?
Something that swells
That throbs
No mere feeling or emotion
But a living,  real thing
Ghost? A Ghost?
No, too solid
Churning, pushing against a shell
Glowing, raging
Changing yet remaining
Voiceless yet screaming
Condemning, accusing
Scared as a kitten, playing tough
Fooling no one
Pointing and mocking
Weeping and scowling at the same time
A demon at play, an angel at bay
Confused, half-retarded
It knows so little
While convinced its wisdom
Is worth the air
It is written on
Floating heavenward
Tugged down
Can I face this bastard again?
How many times
Have I denied? Have I accepted?
Have I given up and given sway?
Wisdom has not served me well
Wrestling has not made me strong
A day passes, the skin is thinner
Another year to weaken
The cage rusts and time corrodes
Soon to crumble, to mix with dust
What is left behind?
This thing?
Unsatisfied, Insatiable beast
Ever-changing morals, never content
To settle
A weak bird on a fence
Too stupid to see
The rock flying
Flung by God-knows-who
Someone
Wanting to see it hit the ground
Delighted at the spectacle
Of wings broken, flapping in vain
Body twitching, this is insane
One for the body, two for the brain
Buy me a ticket for the graveyard train