Am I the one who needs forgiving?
I know what I've done
I know what I've done
I let it build up until it poured out of me
An aura of pessimism
A Super Nova
Blasted Shrapnel
Shards of self-loathing
Scooped from deep inside a dark place
Scorched in the sunlight
And thrown into your face
Tainting your essence
Molding your existence
Unconsciously
Into the unpredictable monster
You have become
Hateful, my legacy?
Cruel, my gift?
Hopeless, a birthday present
Presented
Year in and year out
Accepted with an unknowing
"Thank You"
Unknown to my own heart
The damage being done
Watching the regression, unaware
Of my part in the disintegration
Never counting the cost
I didn't know what I was buying
Too busy keeping my own demons
At bay
It looks like I've missed one
That damned devil
Found another heart to infest
Found another soul to fuck with
To tease and taunt
A bright light, young and strong
Yet weak enough to be obscured
That damned devil
Like a moon to a sun
Eclipsed the bright shining
Of my own true one
Of my only true One
Is he gone?
Is he gone now?
Is he too far gone?
Have I driven him away?
He taught me what love is
What it means
And I've driven him away
Have I driven him away?
Is he gone now?
Was it me? Have I driven him away?
Is it over now? All I have said and all I have done
Does this mean
I've driven him away?
Each day another mile
Further down the road
Sometimes fast, sometimes slow
Have I driven him down that road?
Shown him the way down the long hard road
That leads to the end
This dead end road that's been my home
I want to drive him away
Far away from my never-never-land
Of inconsistency, Indecision, Confusion Fog
Despair at war with joy
I can't find my way
To the middle of the fence
Because at that point I have to face
The fact
That I have driven him away
Around the world just to get away
Full circle, now its come back home to me
Pretty soon now
He'll wish he was gone
Still consumed by my demon
He'll wish he was gone
For this do I need forgiving?
When my own demons have multiplied
Over so many years, like rabbits in hutches
When no one knew how to drive them away
No one was strong enough
With foresight to see
What those evil fuckers were doing to me
And so what? Who am I?
I'd resigned myself to the life
But I could not have known
The severity of the disease
Or just how contagious it was
It is
So do I need forgiving?
Does the fault belong to me?
Will this guilt be my Sisyphus stone?
Forgiving?
Am I out of line to consider
That maybe I'm not the one who needs atonement
Not for this tragedy
Not this one, although it is my whole life
It pains me to say it
But the guilt is supposed to be yours
Maybe I didn't drive the nails in quite hard enough
You're cruel, you tell me you'll take it
But you won't show me how to give it away
I almost think you're the one
Who needs forgiving
But what's the point?
Really
What good would you be
Without anything to forgive?
So let's make a deal...
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